Disemboweled Paradox

To myself I find knowing:
  In mystifying ugliness of coveted black truth
  Laid bare at last to brittle white bone.
I burn jaded family photos of unwanted similarities
  In antagonistic atonement for those of us
  Who came after...with no choices.

To myself I find excuses:
  An infant of compressed molecular genes
  Squeezed out of the birth mother's virginal mouth in her only hour of guiltless shame.
I have no secure handle on this galloping chromosomal monster...
  My life but a penance
  Teasing the deaf ears of the confessional.

To myself I find asking:
  A bitter barrage of choleric uncertainties
  Tinged in self-recriminations
Seeking what needs are vacant and abstract in familiar exile.
  And yet, I remember the impatient glow of incurious eyes
  Simmering in accusatory flames.

To myself I find hunger:
  A lone wolf prowling the arctic landscape of shattered kingdoms...
  Guardian of the strangled carcass of dead emotions
Reduced to this savage carnivore which reeks of dried gore.
  Survival burns like fossil fuel in my cold blooded veins
  Keeping me sane in a world of insane instincts.